Your Child - Your Divorce

Raleigh, N.C. - Rosen Law Firm, one of the largest divorce firms in the state, now offers its clients and their children a new therapeutic resource, Earthquake in Zipland by Zipland Interactive Ltd. It’s the first research-based interactive story aimed at helping children ages 9-12 cope with divorce.

About Rosen Law Firm
Rosen Law Firm has offices in Raleigh, Charlotte, and Chapel Hill. Founded in 1990, the firm is dedicated to providing individual growth and support to couples seeking divorce by helping them move forward with their lives. Our staffs of attorneys and other legal professionals expertly address the complex issues of ending a marriage. Our innovative approach acknowledges that divorce is so much more than just a legal matter. Practice areas include child custody, alimony, property distribution, separation agreements, and domestic violence relief. For more information visit: www.rosen.com

About Zipland Interactive
Zipland Interactive is in the process of developing other high quality edutainment computer games, aimed at helping children deal with common emotional and psychological issues in day to day life. The combination of the two different fields within the group - psychology and game play - has helped to produce a unique approach that is both entertaining and effective. For more information visit: www.ziplandinteractive.com

In most states, a court’s decision about child custody during a divorce used to be simple to make. The judge would give custody to the mom. The dad got alternating weekend visitation. Now, custody decisions are drastically more complex. Many states have adopted a standard called “best interests of the child.” Judges are required to weigh a list of factors to determine which parent is the proper custodian of the children. The level of complexity in custody decisions has drastically risen and decisions are no longer clear-cut.

Florida is one state that places an emphasis on the protection of children involved in a divorce. The best interests of the child are the guiding principles in Florida. Domestic relations law of the state outline a list of factors a judge must consider in every custody decision: 1. the child’s school and home history; 2. the permanence of the child’s proposed home; 3. the continuity of the child’s situation; 4. the parent’s ability to provide the necessities of life; 5. love, affection, and existing ties with either parent; 6. any history of domestic violence; and 7. the parent most likely to promote the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent.

There are two factors that appear to be most important: 6. the history of domestic violence and 7. the parent most likely to promote the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent. The importance of considering domestic violence is obvious. If a child is awarded to a violent parent, the safety of that child might be compromised. But most people are not aware of and do not understand why factor #7 is so important: the parent most likely to promote the child’s continued contact and relationship with the other parent. And because there is so little awareness of this factor, it presents both a great opportunity and great danger for parents seeking custody of their child. The “best interests of the child” standard was developed by lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and social workers. It represents a balancing of interests and is designed to benefit the child. The states that have adopted this standard believe a child should have a continuing bond with both parents, even after a divorce. And that mutual bond is best promoted by a parent that promotes visitation with the non-custodial parent.

The parent that appears to promote the child’s contact with the other parent will get a strong preference in a custody decision. The parent that refuses visitation with the other parent will hurt themselves in a custody decision. Cooperation with visitation can take many forms. A suggested pattern of conduct includes: avoiding discussions of adult – divorce issues with the children, making reasonable arrangements for weekly visitation, openness about sharing holidays with the children, and participating in joint decision making about major children’s issues.

If you are contemplating divorce, you should educate yourself about how courts and judges make decisions. By educating yourself, you can make sure a judge will look favorably at your behavior. A divorce does not have to be a guessing game. The educated spouse will always get a more favorable outcome.

Copyright 2005 The Divorce Center P.A.

About The Author 

Howard Iken is a Divorce Attorney practicing in the Tampa Florida area. His telephone number is 888-439-3486. More information on child custody decisions can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Childcustody/child-custody-factors.htm General information on all divorce issues can be found at http://www.18884mydivorce.com.

Courtesy of One Jerusalem

Remember the days when there were books for children on “difficult” topics such as divorce or puberty (you know the ones I’m talking about: “Where do Babies Come From”, “Why is Mommy’s New Friend Sleeping Over”) – those books. They were pretty good, had some decent cartoons, and for the most part did what they were supposed to do - help parents avoid awkward conversations with their children.But divorce is not something you can just sweep under the carpet and hope will go away. According to a recent British survey, only 1 in 20 children of divorce believed that it was properly explained to them, while one-fourth of the children feel that no one had talked to them at all about the reasons for their parents’ separation.

Israeli company, Zipland Interactive, realized that a book just wasn’t gonna cut it anymore and has recently released “Earthquake in Zipland“: the world’s first research-based psychological computer game designed to help kids cope indirectly with divorce and separation.

“The benefits of this sort of game are numerous”, says Chaya Harash, MSW Family Therapist and CEO of Zipland Interactive, “For the children, it’s the first attempt at talking to them in their own language, dealing with a severe subject through humor and wit. For the parents, the game broadens their understanding of the impact of the separation on their child, and offers a way to communicate and talk about painful issues the child might be otherwise reluctant to express. For therapists and helping professions it can be used to get children to participate more actively in the therapy process, used either in the clinic or as a home ‘assignment’.”

With the increasing number of divorces each year, was it just a matter of time before divorce help went cyber?

Listen to a radio interview about Earthquake in Zipland here.

See also Recommended Help

It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting practices for children of any age for them to be healthy, happy and successful despite you’re divorce. It simple means that divorced parents can raise healthy, happy and successful children. Here, in this article, we will focus on the best appropriate divorce parenting practices for school-age children.

First, you need to understand how school-age children react to divorce. Knowing how school-age children react to divorce will bring you to a better position of knowing the best appropriate divorce parenting practices you can do for your child. So, how is school-age children affected by divorce?

School-age children are old enough to understand that they are in pain because of their parents’ separation. They are too young, however, to understand or to control their reactions to this pain. They may experience grief, embarrassment, resentment, divided loyalty and intense anger.

Elementary school children begin to understand that divorce means their parents will no longer be married and live together, and that their parents no longer love each other.

Children worries about the future. They fear nobody will be there to pick him/her up from school and take care of them. It is common for them to ignore school and friendships.

Children also become aware of their parents as individuals, often fear the loss of parents, and feel sadness and anger because of their parents’ divorce or separation. Self-blame, depression, and attempts to reunite parents are not uncommon in this age group.

Knowing how school-age children reach to divorce, I’m sure by now ideas flow into your mind on what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for school-age children. To add up to your list of ideas, here below are some divorce parenting practices that is best for your child.

• Explain what is happening over and over again. Children this age are confused easily. In simple terms, explain where your child will live, with whom, where the departing parent will live, and who will provide care when both parents are unavailable.
• Encourage your child to talk about how he/she feels. Be sensitive to children’s fears. Let your child know that he or she can openly talk to you about the ups and downs of your separation or divorce.
• Read books together about children and divorce. Use books to help your child talk about feelings.
• Answer all questions about the changes, and keep lines of communication open. Make sure your child feels like he or she can ask you questions and get answers about why the divorce happened and what to expect.
• Plan special time together. Set aside special time to spend with your child but be careful not to make promises you may not be able to keep.
• Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce. Children need to be reassured that the breakup wasn’t their fault.
• Reassure children of how their needs will be met and of who will take care of them.
• Reassure children that everything will be ok, just different. Children are invariably frightened and confused by divorce. It’s a threat to their security. Provide extra hugs and kisses and tell your child that you and other adults will always be near to love and protect
• Talk to your child’s day-care provider about the divorce. She will better understand your child’s possible regressive behaviors and will likely offer extra support.
• Talk to your child’s teachers or school counselors about the divorce. They may then better understand possible learning or behavioral problems and will likely offer extra support.
• Keep daily routines intact. Children feel more secure when there is a standard routine. Stick with bedtimes, no matter at which home the children are. Have some consistent chores. Have some time committed to the child, which is treated as sacred.
• Respect, but monitor, your child’s privacy.
• Discourage reconciliation fantasies. Avoid dinners, outings, or holiday celebrations with your ex-spouse; they only fuel your child’s fantasies. Instead, emphasize the finality of divorce
• Be sensitive to children signs of depression and fear. Seek professional help if depression is prolonged or intense.
• Help non-custodial parent stay involve. Let non-custodial parent maintain a regular presence such as a phone call several times each week, messages sent on video or audiotapes.
• Plan a schedule of time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children’s ongoing relationship with the other parent. Remember that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. If you have difficulty relating to your former spouse then get your free copy of my ebook “8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce.” Just visit my website and get the said ebook for free.

You can learn more divorce parenting practices appropriate for children of any age in my ebook “101 Ways To Raise ‘Divorced’ Children to Successfully.” This ebook is a divorce parenting guide that offers many proven ways that will not only help you help your children but will also guide you on how to deal with yourself and your former ex-spouse for your children’s sake. Thus, giving you complete information on how to raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you’re divorced. For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you’re divorce.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

About The Author

Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled “101 Ways To Raise Your ‘Divorced’ Children To Success”. Get his other ebook for FREE, “8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce.” Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com. support@101divorceparenting.com

When a marital relationship ends, grief and anger frequently evolve between the ex-partners. The issues surrounding the ongoing care of children are often entangled with the emotions and stress that the parents experience at this difficult time. The children suffer when the parents are at odds with each other.

When talking with your children after your divorce, remember to say that positive and negative occurrences will transpire in the months to come. Emphasize the positive occurrences. At first, your children may withdraw from you. They may need time for the reality of the divorce to sink in. Be prepared for tears and anger. There will be periods of wanting to talk and not wanting to talk. In short, be prepared for a variety of responses and watch for opportunities listen and talk to your children about their feelings.

Parents should be primed to have feelings about their children’s reactions to the divorce. The number one rule is: do not share your feelings of anger towards your ex-partner with your children. Children possess unconditional love toward your ex-partner. Attempting to dispel that love can cause far more damage to a child’s self-esteem, reality, and his or her ability to function in the outside world.

The way you and your ex-partner behave will have an impact on your children’s ability to adjust well to the divorce, now and in the future. It can be very difficult for parents to disconnect the hurt and anger they feel towards their ex-partner from the need to make good decisions about the future welfare of their children. Important questions include: who will the children live with? How much contact will the other spouse have with the children?

Some parents have difficulty accepting the fact that children have a right to continue their relationship with both of their parents. Occasionally parents will go to extreme measures to use their children as a weapon of revenge against their ex-partner. It is common for parents to disparage each other to their children. Some may insist that the children tell them every detail of their visits with the other parent. In worst case scenarios, parents may actually prevent contact with the other parent by a variety of means.

Usually, once the parents are able to deal with their personal feelings towards each other, anger management can be achieved through counseling or mediation. After all, we divorce from our ex-partner, not from our children.

SOURCE: Family-Lawyers.com

Pacific Palisades, California (PRWEB) April 8, 2007 — How I Survived my Parent’s Big Scary Divorce by Audrey Lavin is a warm, funny, and supportive book to help children understand and process their parents’ divorce, and know that they are not to blame. Endorsed by psychiatry professor and head of the Pediatric Pain Clinic at UCLA, Dr. Heather Krell, this is a book for both parents and children.

In today’s society, divorce is more and more common. There’s no question that divorce is tough on kids. Author Audrey Lavin has created an edgy, funny book about divorce to help kids navigate the process and learn to heal. Children will love the attitude-infused little girl Maggie McFatcha, who is mad at her parents, madder at herself and absolutely furious at divorce. Maggie’s sure her parents’ split is her fault somehow, but with the help of her parents and a wise “feelings” doctor, Maggie learns that both her parents still love her, that it’s possible to have a conversation that doesn’t involve yelling or flushing a cell phone down the toilet, and that her friends will still like her even if she lives in two houses.

The creator of Animal Planet’s Amazing Tails, as well as a noted television writer, producer, director and on-air correspondent, Lavin has let her creative juices flow once again. Based on her experiences with a real-life divorce, Lavin has taken a tough subject and turned it into a tender, funny and wise book that is sure to help children and their parents cope.

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One of the most common feelings experienced when you go through a divorce is anger. It’s pretty universal whether you initiated the divorce or not.

There are several reasons for this. Of course there is the rejection that’s experienced when your spouse tells you they don’t want to be married to you anymore. But then you throw in all of the other details such as the kid’s reaction to the family separating, splitting up finances and possessions, and everyone else’s reaction to the divorce, you’re bound to have an angry outburst once in awhile.

Even though the feeling may be universal, the expression of it is as varied as the people involved. Today, let’s look at some of the most common reasons for anger after a divorce.

Acknowledging that you’re angry is the first step to being able to manage it. Don’t try to ignore it and act like it isn’t there. That’s a recipe for an all out explosion, maybe toward someone that doesn’t deserve it – like your kids.

1. Anger toward your ex-spouse – They are an easy target aren’t they? It’s not difficult to see them as the ones responsible for everything.

• If your spouse left you – they are the horrible person who did this to you.
• If you chose to leave - it was because your spouse was such a lousy partner.

While anger at the beginning of the divorce process is to be expected, what happens if you carry it around with you like a badge of honor? How helpful is that to you in the long run? How helpful is that to your children?

2. Anger your kids express toward you about the divorce – Kids don’t like change. They like their lives to be simple, with no wild cards thrown in. When a divorce decision is made, it’s out of their control. They don’t have a say in it and there will be so many changes for them. You can expect some anger because they know their lives will be drastically altered.

3. Anger at the changes in your circumstances – Let’s face it, your life is different now. This couple you’ve been a part of no longer exists. This family you helped create has altered in appearance. You are now a single parent. What does that mean to you not only as a parent but as an individual too?

Financial circumstances have more than likely changed as well. This may have caused a move, a new job, less luxuries and more stress.

These are the three main reasons for the overwhelming feelings of anger during and right after a divorce. Now that you know them, it’s important to figure out what to do with them.

All of us want to be better parents and eventually be a better partner. I invite you to check out my latest special report “I’m Just So Mad!” Dealing with the Anger of Divorce” to learn effective ways of managing this strong emotion so that it doesn’t overtake you and your ability to move forward from your divorce. Remarriage Success.com’s mission is to prepare remarrying adults with children for their new family and marriage. We offer helpful resources to guide you every step of the way. Alyssa Johnson is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success, she encourages your comments and feedback.