Your Child - Your Divorce

Editor’s Note: Occasionally we receive comments or stories from people that need and deserve to be heard and/or offered advice. We have therefore decided to open a new category on this site titled “Parents Seeking Advice”. The purpose would be to offer you, our readers, a place where you could speak out and get heard - and more importantly, receive advice or hear the opinions of real people who have been through similar experiences.

If you are interested in sharing your story with others, please send us your questions or stories to yourchildyourdivorce@gmail.com. Personal information of the contributor will remain anonymous at all times. Thank you.  

My situation is a little different than the normal.  My ex-husband has
raised my son since he was 1.  Obviously that is who my son considers to
be ‘Daddy’.  However, our divorce was final in July, and we haven’t
spoken in weeks.  My son had an emotional breakdown this past weekend,
and I don’t know what to do for him.  He misses his dad (or who he
thinks is his dad), but I don’t see my ex trying to be a part of my
son’s future.  What do I do in this case when it’s a possibility that my
child will never see him again (because we live in different states)?

Editor’s Note: Occasionally we receive comments or stories from people that need and deserve to be heard and/or offered advice. We have therefore decided to open a new category on this site titled “Parents Seeking Advice”. The purpose would be to offer you, our readers, a place where you could speak out and get heard - and more importantly, receive advice or hear the opinions of real people who have been through similar experiences.

If you are interested in sharing your story with others, please send us your questions or stories to yourchildyourdivorce@gmail.com. Personal information of the contributor will remain anonymous at all times. Thank you.  

“My grandson is 8.  My daughter and his dad divorced right after he was born with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome.
 
The reason for the divorce was that he moved his girlfriend into their home while Christie, my daughter was away.  He has remarried and has two beautiful girls and a good wife, now allthough not at first.  Now after 6 years he has left her and moved in with another woman with two kids.  They live in a two bedroom apartment which is beyond filthy and the five children sleep in one bedroom when Josh is there.  They are talking about letting him sleep in the closet.  This week my daughter went to pick him up and the house was dirtier than usual.  When she walked thru the hall the girlfriend was standing in the bathroom completely naked with the door open for all the kids to see.  What can we do to protect these children?  They have never lived like this before.”

Editor’s Note: Occasionally we receive comments or stories from people that need and deserve to be heard and/or offered advice. We have therefore decided to open a new category on this site titled “Parents Seeking Advice”. The purpose would be to offer you, our readers, a place where you could speak out and get heard - and more importantly, receive advice or hear the opinions of real people who have been through similar experiences.

If you are interested in sharing your story with others, please send us your questions or stories to yourchildyourdivorce@gmail.com. Personal information of the contributor will remain anonymous at all times. Thank you.  

“My wife and I are about to separate and divorce.  It is quite amicable,
except for the fact that I still love my wife with all my heart.  While no
one has cheated or abused the other, I have come to understand (with a
therapist’s help) that I have made serious mistakes that are primarily the
cause of the failure of our marriage.  My wife was very reluctant to admit
that, wanting to share the responsibility, but it has become clear that I
have failed her badly.

Obviosuly, I have worked through some serious, difficult moments accepting
it all.  But in the end, she feels hurt and emotionally drained and ready
for divorce.  After months of therapy and open, sincere discussion, I have
surrendered to her desire, rather than try and trap her in a failed,
unfulfillng marriage.  I accept that she does not love me anymore, and she
accepts that I will surrender to her demand for a divorce, but still love
her deeply.

We have two children, ages five and two.

Just before I surrendered, I made a desparate plea for mercy.  I had not
planned to do any such thing.  I had put on my shorts and t-shirt and
running shoes to go running, she spoke to me and my heart got the best of
me.  I knelt at her feet and begged for mercy.  I was under the impression
that the children were with their Aunt.  They were not.  The five year old
came into the room and saw daddy kneeling on bare knees at Mommy’s feet,
trembling, hands clasped.  Mommy was standing over daddy, arms folded,
looking down on her fallen spouse.

The child refuses to say much of any consequence in the aftermath.  We don’t
know how best to approach it.  My wife is more upset with me than ever and I
am filled with regret.

Please believe me.  Despite my failures, I do love my wife dearly and my
children.  I am truly sorry for all of my mistakes, and I have surrendered
to my wife to allow the divorce to happen.

Now we need to know how to approach our five-year old.

Please don’t use my real name in print.

Thank you.”