Your Child - Your Divorce

Fear is one of the most known emotions in a divorce. Just about everyone involved is going to have some kind of fear and they are not going to be sure what is going to happen in their life. This is true for the adults as well as children. The fear of not knowing is the hardest thing to go through but with the right help and motivation anyone can make it through a divorce of any kind.

You have to learn to confront your fears when you are going through a divorce. You have to know what is going to happen and what you have to be prepared for. This is your life and you are going to need to be in control of as much as you can to make it through this hard time. If you do not learn to confront your fears of divorce, you risk losing your emotional and physical health and the happiness that you deserve in your life.

Many worry that they will be all alone in life after divorce. They are afraid that they will lose their family and friends. The best thing to remember that if they were your friends before the divorce they should still is afterwards. There is no reason that you have to try and keep true friends. They should stand by you and support you because they care so much for your well being.

Many also are afraid that they will lose their sense of security. They will no longer have someone to help them and support them the way that a married couple does. This is truer for women but men will also have to face this fear. It is scary at first but once a person learns how to deal with it and move past the fear and get on with life, they will be fine. It is just going to take some work on each individual’s part.

Being insecure is the most feared problem with divorce. There are so many people that are very afraid of what will happen after the divorce. They are not going to feel like they are attractive anymore or they may feel like there is something wrong with them. This is a very normal fear to face. However the only way to get through this type of problem is to build up your self-esteem again. You have to realize that you are fine and that these things happen to a lot of people and you can go out there and meet someone else to make you happy again.

It is not the end of the world just because you are going through a divorce. You can move past it with time and healing and as you go things will get better and you will be able to move past the fear and be happy once again.

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One of the most common feelings experienced when you go through a divorce is anger. It’s pretty universal whether you initiated the divorce or not.

There are several reasons for this. Of course there is the rejection that’s experienced when your spouse tells you they don’t want to be married to you anymore. But then you throw in all of the other details such as the kid’s reaction to the family separating, splitting up finances and possessions, and everyone else’s reaction to the divorce, you’re bound to have an angry outburst once in awhile.

Even though the feeling may be universal, the expression of it is as varied as the people involved. Today, let’s look at some of the most common reasons for anger after a divorce.

Acknowledging that you’re angry is the first step to being able to manage it. Don’t try to ignore it and act like it isn’t there. That’s a recipe for an all out explosion, maybe toward someone that doesn’t deserve it – like your kids.

1. Anger toward your ex-spouse – They are an easy target aren’t they? It’s not difficult to see them as the ones responsible for everything.

• If your spouse left you – they are the horrible person who did this to you.
• If you chose to leave - it was because your spouse was such a lousy partner.

While anger at the beginning of the divorce process is to be expected, what happens if you carry it around with you like a badge of honor? How helpful is that to you in the long run? How helpful is that to your children?

2. Anger your kids express toward you about the divorce – Kids don’t like change. They like their lives to be simple, with no wild cards thrown in. When a divorce decision is made, it’s out of their control. They don’t have a say in it and there will be so many changes for them. You can expect some anger because they know their lives will be drastically altered.

3. Anger at the changes in your circumstances – Let’s face it, your life is different now. This couple you’ve been a part of no longer exists. This family you helped create has altered in appearance. You are now a single parent. What does that mean to you not only as a parent but as an individual too?

Financial circumstances have more than likely changed as well. This may have caused a move, a new job, less luxuries and more stress.

These are the three main reasons for the overwhelming feelings of anger during and right after a divorce. Now that you know them, it’s important to figure out what to do with them.

All of us want to be better parents and eventually be a better partner. I invite you to check out my latest special report “I’m Just So Mad!” Dealing with the Anger of Divorce” to learn effective ways of managing this strong emotion so that it doesn’t overtake you and your ability to move forward from your divorce. Remarriage Success.com’s mission is to prepare remarrying adults with children for their new family and marriage. We offer helpful resources to guide you every step of the way. Alyssa Johnson is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success, she encourages your comments and feedback.