Article courtesy of Dr. Reena Sommer

Anyone one who has experienced or witnessed a child’s outright rejection of a parent with whom they once shared a reciprocally warm, loving, nurturing relationship will understand how devastating (and sometimes lethal), the effects of parental alienation syndrome can be. Perhaps more painful than experiencing a son or daughter’s rejection is watching that child’s own sense of confusion, bewilderment, grief and loss of identity grow through a denial of a parent’s love and a bond that developed from birth. The devastating effects of parental alienation syndrome are multi-dimensional and the consequences for PAS affected children reach far beyond their immature and short sighted understanding of their relationships and existence. Sadly, these children have been unwittingly betrayed and victimized by a parent whom they love and upon whom they depend. When parental alienation syndrome takes hold, children affected by parental alienation syndrome come to understand that their own self worth and needs are meaningless.

This message becomes implicitly and subconsciously imprinted when the one person who is responsible for nurturing them (their alienating parent) is the one who is also responsible for robbing them of their sense of self, their identity, their heritage and the love of the other parent. An important sub theme to this message is that PAS-affected children also come to understand that the love and obedience they have for one parent is dependent upon their rejection and vilification of the other parent. It must be understood that parental alienation is a form of child abuse. While at this time, most cases of parental alienation syndrome are not associated with documented accounts of physical abuse, the presence of emotional abuse is prevalent and most predominant. Because the alienating parent is usually very adept at displaying what appears to be loving and nurturing conduct, parental alienation syndrome can be characterized as well as “BOND ABUSE”. By that I mean, the alienating parent uses qualities of nurturing to feed and sustain the relationship between the alienating parent and child (i.e., using the bond that exists between them) while at the same time destroying the relationship between the child and the other parent (targeted parent)- in other words, “bond abuse” .

Developing an Effective Strategy for Coping With Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

Because parental alienation syndrome poses such a difficult challenge to parents, attorneys and the courts, developing effective intervention strategies are essential but not easy. One of the difficulties is there is no “one” approach that will work in any given case. To have the greatest chance of being effective approaches to counteracting parental alienation syndrome must be - not only responsive to the distinct dynamics of a family situation but also to the climate and attitude of the court. Since parental alienation syndrome is still a relatively new concept and considered by many as being controversial, it is absolutely imperative that the attitude of the court be taken into account. For example, it makes no sense to introduce the term, “parental alienation syndrome” when a particular judge or jurisdiction holds a negative view toward it. Instead, a much better approach may be to leave the terminology aside and simply focus on the alienating behavior. In that way, the case will not be tainted by the negative view a court may hold toward parental alienation syndrome. In order to develop an effective approach to parental alienation syndrome, a similar mindset to combating cancer must be applied. As is the case with treating cancer, the most effective approaches are generally those that are accurately targeted, aggressive and very timely. The same treatment principle should be applied to the problem of parental alienation syndrome. Similarly, waiting for parental alienation syndrome to spontaneously remit generally does not occur and instead, usually results in very negative outcomes. Unfortunately, there is no standard treatment protocol or template that can used in the treatment of parental alienation syndrome. There are however, things that people do that are generally ineffective and other things that people do that are more effective. Let’s start with the ones that generally do not work.

Coping with parental alienation syndrome is a challenge and there is no guarantees that your efforts will be successful. However, to completely walk out of your children’s lives not only makes the alienating parent’s efforts a success but more importantly, it leaves your children completely devoid of the love they deserve (even if they are not in a position to receive it). Remember, parental alienation is not a benign condition. Like cancer, it can grow and spread. And like cancer, it can be lethal.