Comments on: “Now we need to know how to approach our five-year old” http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/now-we-need-to-know-how-to-approach-our-five-year-old/ The Complete Parent's Guide to Children and Divorce Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:44:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: peaches http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/now-we-need-to-know-how-to-approach-our-five-year-old/comment-page-1/#comment-17 peaches Mon, 12 Nov 2007 13:54:33 +0000 http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/?p=158#comment-17 I agree that you all should be talking, real non-emotional, with the five-year old and be telling the child that you all will still be a family and you will be loving your children. Admit that you do have some sad feelings sometimes and that its ok becauase you will be feeling better in time and that its ok for everyone in the family to be feeling such. Then, listen a real lot to what the child does say and talk about it, but be real calm. Also, you say you have surrendered. So why are you still in the house that isn’t your home anymore? Move out real soon and do it when you do know the children are not home. While I do agree that women do like strong, sensitive men, I do feel you should kneel down just one more time. That should come just before you leave. Put your hands on your heart, express your undying love, your apology for failing her and pledge that you are getting out of her way so that she can be free of your failed marriage. Pledge to her and you that you will be there if needed but you won’t be bugging her. And pledge to her, and you, that you will not beg for mercy or forgiveness again. Forget about macho stuff. A real man can admit he’s done wrong and say he’s sorry. But if you kept groveling you would hurt your wife over and over again. Let this be the end of the marriage and your begging. This will also let you be moving on, too. Feel better soon, please. You do deserve it. I agree that you all should be talking, real non-emotional, with the five-year old and be telling the child that you all will still be a family and you will be loving your children. Admit that you do have some sad feelings sometimes and that its ok becauase you will be feeling better in time and that its ok for everyone in the family to be feeling such.

Then, listen a real lot to what the child does say and talk about it, but be real calm.

Also, you say you have surrendered. So why are you still in the house that isn’t your home anymore? Move out real soon and do it when you do know the children are not home. While I do agree that women do like strong, sensitive men, I do feel you should kneel down just one more time. That should come just before you leave. Put your hands on your heart, express your undying love, your apology for failing her and pledge that you are getting out of her way so that she can be free of your failed marriage. Pledge to her and you that you will be there if needed but you won’t be bugging her. And pledge to her, and you, that you will not beg for mercy or forgiveness again.

Forget about macho stuff. A real man can admit he’s done wrong and say he’s sorry. But if you kept groveling you would hurt your wife over and over again. Let this be the end of the marriage and your begging. This will also let you be moving on, too.

Feel better soon, please. You do deserve it.

]]> By: Kris http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/now-we-need-to-know-how-to-approach-our-five-year-old/comment-page-1/#comment-16 Kris Sat, 10 Nov 2007 13:54:17 +0000 http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/?p=158#comment-16 You and your wife need to sit down together with your 5 yo and talk about what’s happening in terms she/he can understand. This should be done in a conversational manner, side by side, lying down on the bed or sitting on the couch, not like an interrogation at the kitchen table, if you see what I mean. Ideally this conversation is a springboard from another, like reading a story about divorce, or a tv show that you watched together…which will make it less threatening. Both of you (adults) need to support each other in telling your child that BOTH of you sometimes feel sad about the divorce, but over time you will feel better…both of you love your children (you’re still talking to your child) and understand that sometimes she/he may feel sad too, or angry, or confused (which may be an opportunity for your child to talk about the event you described)…even though you won’t be living together (or whatever changes are happening) you are still a family, and you will manage the changes together. Let your child guide the conversation from there, and just validate her/his feelings, answer questions, etc. Be honest!! You need to NOT get emotional during this time!!! Of course, only say this if your wife and you are going to be able to co-parent this way…and for them, you need to! I wish you well, and I hope that your own pain eases soon. You and your wife need to sit down together with your 5 yo and talk about what’s happening in terms she/he can understand. This should be done in a conversational manner, side by side, lying down on the bed or sitting on the couch, not like an interrogation at the kitchen table, if you see what I mean. Ideally this conversation is a springboard from another, like reading a story about divorce, or a tv show that you watched together…which will make it less threatening. Both of you (adults) need to support each other in telling your child that BOTH of you sometimes feel sad about the divorce, but over time you will feel better…both of you love your children (you’re still talking to your child) and understand that sometimes she/he may feel sad too, or angry, or confused (which may be an opportunity for your child to talk about the event you described)…even though you won’t be living together (or whatever changes are happening) you are still a family, and you will manage the changes together. Let your child guide the conversation from there, and just validate her/his feelings, answer questions, etc. Be honest!! You need to NOT get emotional during this time!!! Of course, only say this if your wife and you are going to be able to co-parent this way…and for them, you need to! I wish you well, and I hope that your own pain eases soon.

]]> By: Brian Honaker http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/now-we-need-to-know-how-to-approach-our-five-year-old/comment-page-1/#comment-15 Brian Honaker Fri, 09 Nov 2007 13:54:02 +0000 http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/?p=158#comment-15 The child is 5 and will quickly forget it, unless you have raised the kid to be an emotional wreck like his dad turned out to be. I understand that you were pleading for the sake of your marriage out of desperation, but dude, man up, grow some balls, and do your wife and kids the favor of going out quietly. You’ve admitted that the reason for your divorce is all you’re fault. Your kid will be fine. If you don’t make a big deal out of it, neither will he. The child is 5 and will quickly forget it, unless you have raised the kid to be an emotional wreck like his dad turned out to be. I understand that you were pleading for the sake of your marriage out of desperation, but dude, man up, grow some balls, and do your wife and kids the favor of going out quietly. You’ve admitted that the reason for your divorce is all you’re fault. Your kid will be fine. If you don’t make a big deal out of it, neither will he.

]]> By: E http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/now-we-need-to-know-how-to-approach-our-five-year-old/comment-page-1/#comment-14 E Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:53:44 +0000 http://yourchildyourdivorce.com/wordpress/?p=158#comment-14 I think it would be a good idea to talk to a psichologist that is specialized in children. As for your wife, it is better not to beg. Women like sensitive, but strong men. Plead your case, but be decent about it. Best thing you can do is tell her that you still love her and to let you know if she’ll ever want to be together again. I think it would be a good idea to talk to a psichologist that is specialized in children.

As for your wife, it is better not to beg. Women like sensitive, but strong men. Plead your case, but be decent about it. Best thing you can do is tell her that you still love her and to let you know if she’ll ever want to be together again.

]]>